Hey Guys

I'm really sorry if your getting tired of my super journaling that I've been doing lately..I have a lot to epress, always it seems.

I've written some kinda angry journals latly, and right now i wanted to take a few minutes to reflect on how freaking awesome my life is right now. I've been thinking about how my life has changed over the past year, and Holy Crap Courtney, way to go. Yes I'm congratulatin myself, get over it A girl in my Japanese class is always like "Ugh, why do you do that?"

well quite simply I've spent a lot of time kicking my face in the dirt. I'm done with it.


Last Year I thought I'd drown without this guy holding me up.
Last Year, I thought I couldn't help anyone
Last year, i felt that I was fat, stupid, and unable to finish my degree, i was worthless academically, I had no ability to make choices, I had nothing. Sure there were good days, but it feels to me like i was drowing in the bad ones


This Year

I've been getting better grades than I ever have before (A on my English Project! B in women Studies! 80% in Japanese..and never getting below 90 on daily quizzes!)

I'm Rockin the single life, i love it. I'm living and learning and

I got a great posistion volunteering my time at a centre that I love and respect. I'm getting training, and working on bettering myself on ideals that I always believed in but could never articulate until now. I've worked with 2 people, and did a great job, and have even more learning experience to help more people. I met a new community of friends

I'm going on the adventure of a lifetime next year..traveling Thailand, Laos and japan. I have friends all over that I"m going to meet..new experiences..I'll be scuba certified by the end of it...I paid for this trip, i organized this trip, I'm taking all the steps to make sure this trip happens. It can't be taken away from me because "I wasn't good enough"


I got my Job at the Almanac back. At First i wasn't thrilled but I can really see how this is going to be good for me, but it is. I know it. I'm not involved in anything big anymore, i work 3 days a week serving, and only bartending one of those (boo, but I'll make more money serving). The Days work out well, i can still see my friends, and get all my schoolwork done. I'll be able to afford my travling.


I'm keeping up on my back fixey treatments, havn't had any stupid seizure pain in awhile^_^


working out more often, I feel like my body type is changing..which is probably bullshit. My waist feels smaller, and my shoulders feel more toned. And my ass is getting less squishy looking, thank GOD. been working out, going to try other activitie, like swimming and rock climbing.

I love my friends, and I love that they understand how busy i am now, because now its at a healthy level.



Going to get a bunch of people knocked off my X-mas list today (Oh Online Shopping <3) I've been freaked to use the credit card because I would have been unable to make p;ayments. If I get it done now, then all the money I'll make in crazy work week (right before X-mas) will go straight to traveling.

I found a really awesome thing for Jo, but I'm not sure If I wanna pay 30 shipping for something thats smaller than my ear >_< So you might end up getting something else








You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep

'Cause they'd fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You'd think me rude
But I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems

'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance

A fox trot above my head
A sock hop beneath my bed
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies
I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell

But I'll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams