*waves at everyone*


well in regards to the fact that I've been a giant waste of skin the last few days, since Christmas Eve, its seriously time for me to get off my ass.

I hate it when there are big meal leftovers because my mom gets pissed if no one eats them. so I've been nomming out on perogies, turkey and stuffing for the last, oh 6 meals because no one is allowed to EAT anything else. Blugh.

So, I"ve decided that I've eaten my fair share, and I'm back on the healthy planet again. I had a mash of fruit and fibre 1 this morning and my body feels SO Good. You guys have no idea <3

I got a wii Fit for Christmas this year, so I'm pretty stoked to do stuff on it. I"m the only one it told was a "Normal weight". Seriously, it even told my DAD he was overweight which I find strangely entertaining. Of course he started arguing with it, because, y'know you can change a machines mind


My Room is in a 1000 pieces right now. Driving me fucking nuts, but it means I"ve gotta get cleaning and such..I got a new dresser for Christmas as well so I'm upacking and reorganizing everything. The only piece of buisness that has me raging agnry is the disappearance of my new Skull Candy headphones I got from Garrett...I know I wouldn't have been careless with those so I'm sure my dumbass sister just helped herself. Or their under a huge pile of garbage, one never knows.


The fact that Kenzie just takes whatever she wants is really starting to get to me. It makes sense now, why she always has so much more cash than me..when she wants something, she just takes it. I buy stuff, like some new teeth whitening pre rinse shit I got, she's just been helping herself for the last 2 weeks. Icaught her using it. flat out and she still stood there screaming and denying it. I'm getting a little bit pissed off with the diva card excusing all her actions. Stupid


So my Mom found a tub in the basement that had gotten jammed with a bunch of other ones, where some dumbass, and I'm going to bet on Kenzie, left a can of pop open in it, which got knocked over, which has been molding rather nicely for the last, say at least 5 months. I think I might have found out why my sinuses have been so fucked up for the last few months. I've been bleaching and vacuuming all day yesterday and will continue today so hopefully they'll go away.

Ugh I gotta get that Student Line of Credit figured out.

I hate it when people don't email me back.


I gotta get out and move now, everyday. I had my lazy days, I hate feeling like that. I marathoned 12 episodes of Glee yesterday. Each ep is 45 minutes long. I just felt bombed and unwilling to move. BUt then I had a weird freakout last night about wasting my life so now I feel like gettnig back into the grind.

Had a little revisitation with JPOP I listened to in high school...lots of Gackt, Ayu and BoA...I never stopped listening to Utada <3

Man I pulled a hard work weekend, ending tonight at 9, but the good news, is I ONLY SIGNED MYSELF UP FOR ONE SUICIDE weekend!! As opposed to last X-mas where iwas 16 hour days, everyday! And had nothing to show for it/

Realized I'm going to be about 3K Under budget for travel next year, mostly because I didn't have a job for almost 4 months. But

Everything is going to be Okay <3 This has been a great lesson in budgeting, and balancing stress levels, and managing to not have anxiety attacks.


I brought myself down from an anxiety attack last night in the fastest, most successful way yet. I'm really proud of myself. I think it was more a result of me being sleep deprived, and my boss was being her normal over antagonistic self which kinda triggered me. I takled with my friend Penny for awhile, then I went to the back and did some stress breathing and mantra-ing and I managed to bring myself back to normal happy Ko <3 I proceeded to rock the house and had one of the smoothest running functions EVER.


I feel like I am learning and moving forward


Been eating super healthy,thanks to my rediscovery of Vegan food...before everyone goes OMG GAH, I'm not being vegan...I'm simply eating vegan things as well as normal stuff...and since its so rich in spices and flavors, I don't feel like all i ate was vegetables...had a fiesta salad with spinach, corn and beans and mexican spicy dressing..and instead of feeling boated and nasty and sleepy like i do after lunch..i felt...energized, happy, buzzed. I ate food similar to that the next few days, and MAN does it make a difference! I'm chugging back way more water and eating more healthy things now...I did have some nachos last night, but they didn 't taste very good..>_<'' I like to think that my body wanted more vegetables, but you never know

Going for breakfast with the parents tonight

Going to Donate blood with Dana and Jo on Tuesday Huzzah!

I feel great this morning, got to sleep in after working 2 16 hour days (blugh!)


Oh and My Other HUGE Triumph? My GPA is back and KICKING ASS, none of this 2.4 bullshit I was pulling during my depression. I'm back pulling a 3.3 again baby! And I'm gonna try for a 3.7 next semester. I just need my English Grade as well as my Japan 460 Grade..I have no idea why Hurley hasn't posted the english grades, i wrote that exam on the 3rd O_o;

I CAN DO IT <3!!!


TO DO
Complete Awareness Comittee Tasks (sign up sheets, and blurbs by Jan 3)
Passport Application SUBMIT
Start Student Line of Credit

Boy you sure look good there standin' in the doorway in the sunset light
Maybe I read you wrong thinkin' you could be my Mr. Right
I was puttin' my heart and soul on the line
Said you needed some time, just a little more time to make up your mind
Well it's been long enough
Time is up



Sometimes when i wake up, I feel so strong, strength enough to conquer any challenge. There is a core of steel inside me, and when a challenge comes, a fire heats up that core, making it to hot for anyone to touch. I feel the power well up, and charge through me.

Sometimes, I am scared. I feel worthless, not smart enough, too fat. Too Fat has been trying to get me again. But, instead of running on the treadmill until I pass out, then binging on crap, I finish my meal. I drink a glass of water, and have a salad next time.

when I feel like shit, I imagine setting a fire at the base of that steel core. It heats up all the way and burns red hot. You can't beat me



Bye bye love, I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rearview mirror torn off
I ain't never lookin' back. And that's a fact.
I've tried all I can imagine
I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion
I've got pride, I'm takin' it for a ride
Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye


I feel like I've been to some really dark places this last year. Especially after something I built my life around left, causing what was me to collapse.

So I rebuilt.

And I rebuilt smarter, stronger. I put a cage around my heart, that opens for truth only...and its timed by a machine, there is no key that you can force me to give you.



Don't think all those tears are gonna hold me here like they've done before
You'll find what's left of us in a cloud of dust on highway 4
Baby what did you expect me to do
Just sit around and wait on you
Well I'm through watchin' you just skate around the truth
And I know it sounds trite
I've seen the light



I still get scared, but I have a strong core inside of me, that cna't be beat.

I had the scariest 2 weeks in my life, But here I am. I did not crumble. I perservered.

I made some mistakes...but Now I now how to fight even stronger next time!

when adversity comes, Ko gets Red Hot.

I've been even telling the "Fat" demon to go and fuck itself with its stupid fucking sizist ideas!

I am working at my own pace, Demon! You ain't gonna bring me down into that girl anymore.


I made concrete stairs coming up out of my dark place. I still hit the ground hard, but I can always get up.


Bye bye love, I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rearview mirror torn off
'Cause I ain't never lookin' back, and that's a fact.
I've tried all I can imagine
I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion
I've got pride, I'm takin' it for a ride
Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye

I'd lost the game I guess
I did my best to win the part
Now I'm leavin' here with what's left of my heart.
Bye bye, I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rearview mirror torn off
'Cause I ain't never lookin' back.
You can count on that.
I've tried all I can imagine
I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion
I've got pride, I'm takin' it for a ride
Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye

Bye bye
Ooh baby
Oh oh
Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye

To a certain douchebag

Do Not Call Me Sweetie. Do Not Patronize Me. You should consider yourself lucky to have even touched me.

I am Not a Pawn. I am Aware Of Your Bullshit. Trying to use me in a little vengance game will backfire terribly.

You have been warned.

I hate being called "sweetie" by a man.



I need it to be wednesday. I need to be drinking a glass of something strong, with only beautiful work to look forward to. Blessed work, not school, no stress. if I get stressed ,I take it off, I take a break. School is less forgiving.

2 Exams

1 Essay

6 Hours Volunteer work

I can Do it.

I'm really bad at making things.

Really bad.

I always wished i could create things for people. Those gifts I get from people, I always cherish in a different way. My hat from Dana. The Picture Jo Drew me all those many moons ago.

wehn I make things...Generally it looks like a 2 year old got into the craft cupboard.

But! I had a nice little brain explosion for X-mas Presents for Josh and Jo this year that I can MAKE, and CREATE MYself, using some Ko skills, and some slight exploitation of the Alamanc..(I stole some of their supposed "waste")

I"m really excited and I think that both of them will actually LIKE it, which is pretty obscure for something that a Ko like me CREATED.

Normally I end up pouring money into shit because I'm not all that creative. This year, I've been working really hard on cutting back funding ebcause I'm broke, but Not cutting back Present. Does that make sense?

ONce I pick up some supplies this week, I'll be finished X-mas shopping for my Spruce Friends <3 I got Alan something random and kinda badass and Dana something pretty and Asian tastic.


I have to finish Karley's Present ($20) , My Parents Stockings, my sisters Present, Regan's gift and Tanias. And some small things for a couple people in my classes.


Overall Christmas = Sucess. I"m way more prepared than I ever have been before!

I"m even getting my mailing done tomarrow^_^; As opposed to last year when i did my Christmas mailing um..January 2nd *cough*

what, I got caught up


But this year, I am in control of oD'ing on the work-a-hol. I'll be working a lot after the 17th but I made sure that I took a few nights off to enjoy the holidays with my friends and family


Now If I could just get these really shitty eating habits I developed like 2 weeks ago to go away, I'll be the control master.



TO DO
Thought Piece 460
Moodle 388 (2)
English 388 Final Dec 3
Write Draft for JAPAN Oral final
Present Japanese Oral Final Dec 7
W. Studies Exam Dec 8
ENGL 384 Final- Dec 9
JAPAN 460 Final Paper Due- Dec. 15
JAPAN 201 final Exam- Dec 16
Submit Passport Application
Finish X-mas present Shopping
JLPT Level 4- Dec 6
Get American Cash for LAOS Visa