My Own Secret Wish is to have someone love me.


Scratch That.

Thats too simple, too easy and if all I wanted was the admiration of others in life, then I'd be all set. No, I don't want anymore awkward one sided relationships that seem to desire me. I want someone, NOT who will respect me, but someone who I can respect. Someone that I"m so helplessly head over heels in love with, that everytime I'm away from them, I'm sick with Misery and then everytime I'm joined with them-
Joined With Them
Its like the sun has been turned back on from a long period of depression. Like the other half to my soul has been turned back on, like a blind man regaining his sight.

Someone that I could dissolve myself in, lose my self in.
Abandon my Soul In
Someone whose beauty and Love and devotion could match my own overpowering desires. He would touch me-
and I would be beautiful
And I and the world
Would be beautiful
and everyone else would envy us together. Us two, together strong and independant in our Love. We would be selfless, modest but the world would still revolve around us and our perfection.

As you can see...I live in a world of Fantasies. An over-cliched world fairytale world where Ugly Girl gets the beautiful guy, prove their love and that they don't care what everyone thinks and live together in beautiful, beautiful Bliss. Is it really that wrong? To dream for a perfect guy? Is it Wrong to Fantasize and dream about someone, who although they exist, your own mind has warped and twisted them so that they filled your own sick urges? And as I hope and dream, and hold myself tight, a small silly self consious part of me, wonders what life would be like if they ever found out, ever discovered how I think about them. Part of me wishes that they would laugh in gentle relief and whisper sweet confessions of their own in my ear. The more realistic part of me, knows that they would scorn me, reject me and I would cry, feel alone and retreat once again to a more enticing, more perfect fantasy where I wouldn't feel pain, wouldn't feel rejection, wouldn't feel...wouldn't feel....Like I was dying

But you will never find out. I'll never let you. I'll just stay here..just for a little while. You won't miss me. You won't even know I"m gone. I'll just lay and dream of you, and as you go on, live your life, write your tests,hold your love, kiss your parents, I'll be imagining you carrying me with golden wings from your back, stroking my hair, telling me you love my Free Spirit and the things that I've always loved about myself.You don't need to love me. My Own mind will make you love me. And You will Never Stop.

Never Stop...Just tonight in the dark.